


They

by thisprentiss



Category: X-Men (Movieverse), X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Body Dysphoria, Nonbinary Character, Period-Typical Transphobia, listen guys charles is nonbinary and u can fight me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-31
Updated: 2016-05-31
Packaged: 2018-07-11 07:55:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7039561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisprentiss/pseuds/thisprentiss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Charles accidentally comes out to Raven while she's getting angry about her mutation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	They

**Author's Note:**

> okay so i just really wanted to write a thing with charles being nb because that's like. the one hc that ur gonna have to drag out of my cold dead hands i swear.  
> there's like a really small chance i might continue this a little for more moments of my child being nb and gay, but who rlly knows ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

"Raven, will you please let me study?"

It didn't get an answer, she just curled closer into their side, cheek squishing up as it was pressed into their sweater. Sighing, Charles put down their textbook on the coffee table and sat back, allowing Raven to full on _spoon_ them to her content. After a moment of silence, they reached a hand up and started petting her bright red hair, something they remember she enjoyed during childhood.

"You haven't done that in a while," she commented under her breath, eyes still closed. Charles pulled their hand away immediately, and she looked up at them. "I didn't mean stop. It feels good."

"Right," they smiled, returning their hand to the side of her head. Raven closed her eyes again and let out a contented yawn, snuggling closer once again. "How was work?"

"Oh, the usual," she said, "Hit on by jerkbag dudes, had my ass grabbed, resisted the urge to punch a bitch. How was class?"

Charles shrugged. "Fascinating, through a bit on the boring side today. Andrew got the professor off topic just enough for it to go on for half the lecture, something about ex girlfriends and... god, I don't even remember. A banana creme pie, possibly."

This got a loud snort from Raven. "And _that_ was boring to you? What a geezer."

"Shut up, will you? I'm in that course for genetics, not humorous stories from the professor's past," they shot back, giving her a light slap to the arm. There was a brief moment where they both giggled uncontrollably, before it faded and they went back to sitting in silence.

"Are you alright?" Charles finally asked, trying to come across as casual as possible. "You seemed a bit distant when you came home today." Distant didn't even begin to describe it. She had that... _dead_ look in her eyes again, the one where you knew she was going through a depressive episode, but for once she hadn't told them what it was about.

"I'm... yeah, I'm fine. Just guys at work being assholes like I said," she lied, pursing her lips.

"That's shit and you know it, Raven," they said with a raised eyebrow, and Raven sat up, "Please tell me what's wrong. If you don't know, that's perfectly alright, but if you do I want to help."

She scoffed, a disgusted noise, and Charles recoiled ever so slightly. "You _always_ want to help. I just- you don't really understand what I'm going through right now, it makes you a little hard to talk to," she said. Charles let a slight sigh slip out of their lips. It's about her appearance again.

"Raven, if you'd _talk_ to me, maybe I'd be able to understand better."

Things escalated just as quickly as they always did with Raven, and she was glaring at them now. "I _really_ don't think you would, Charles. You could _try_ , but you wouldn't _really_ understand!"

"Alright," they said, raising their hands in defeat, "You don't have to talk to me if you don't want."

"Don't try to use reverse psychology on me, Charles!" Raven was shouting now. Oh lord, she's standing up and shouting. So much for a quiet evening at home. " _God,_ I hate it when you do this! You trick me into talking to you and then you give me some bullshit about how you _understand my pain_ or you can _feel what I'm going through!_ You have _no idea_ what I'm going through! You don't look like me!"

"You have a point there, Raven," Charles agreed. _So it's definitely about her appearance._ "But everyone feels self conscious about their bodies at some point, you must realize that."

"Not like I do!" it came out in a hiss, and Charles was shocked to see her transform into the blonde version of herself she wore in public. "You see this!? This is _not_ me!"

"Raven, you can look however you want, you aren't required to use that form-"

"You don't _get it,_ Charles!" she cried - _shit_ , there are tears now, this really _did_ escalate quickly, "This _isn't_ me!" Another body, this time a man in his late fifties, "And _this_ isn't me!" She was shifting through forms quickly now, every time screaming, "This isn't me, and this isn't me!" Finally, she was back in her natural state, red hair and blue skin. " _This_ is me!"

Charles nodded. They didn't exactly know what else to do.

"See, _that's_ the point!" her hands were balled into fists at her sides, "You don't know what it's like to be me! I have to look in the mirror at work every day and see someone that _isn't me!_ I have to pretend to be someone that I'm _not!_ "

And that one hit close to home.

"I- I think I may know what you're feeling better than you think, Raven," they said. Unexpected tears were building as Raven glared at them.

"What the hell does _that_ mean!? You're a _telepath!_ Feeling a little uncomfortable about your stomach isn't exactly the same as _hating_ what you see in the mirror _every time you see it!_ " she shouted, gesturing wildly at herself, " _This_ is how I feel comfortable, _this_ is what I want to look like, but I'm _not allowed!_ You have no _fucking idea_ what it's like to feel like you don't even belong in your own _skin!_ "

"Maybe I do!"

Silence dropped on the room like a dead weight.

Raven stared at them hard, watching as tears spilled down their cheeks. Her mouth opened and closed several times, shaking her head ever so slightly. They'd never said anything like that before. "W- what-"

"Maybe I _do_ know what that's like, Raven!" they cut her off before she could finish her sentence. "Maybe I know _exactly_ what it's like! I'm not physically mutated, you hit that nail square on the head, but I do know what it feels like to be trapped in a god damned body!"

They never got upset like Raven got upset. When she was upset, she stood up and screamed and shouted and waved her arms around. She kicked things and barred her teeth and wouldn't back down until she was satisfied that her point had been made. "Every _day_ I look in the mirror and I wish to _god_ that I looked different! That maybe _some day_ I'll wake up and won't look like a man! I _hate_ myself, Raven!"

"Charles, I didn't-"

" _Please,_ Raven, please don't say I don't know what it's like to feel trapped. It's obviously not the same for me as it is for you, but I would give _anything_ to be allowed to look the way I wanted in public!" they had managed to curl themself into a ball at this point, something that was noticeably different about the way they got upset. And they were shaking hard, embarrassment and regret squeezing their stomach into a knot. All of that wasn't supposed to come out of their mouth. "I feel like a prisoner in my own skin, Raven, I know what you're talking about when you say that."

But Raven sat back down on the sofa next to them and blinked slowly, a cautious hand making it's way to their knee. "I- I didn't know. You never really... _said_ anything before. I just sort of- I just assumed you were- Sorry."

They looked at her with a small smile. "It's alright. I'm sorry you're feeling so awful about yourself."

She nodded slowly in response, licking her lips and making awkward, sympathetic eye contact. "What did you... what did you mean when you said you didn't wanna look like a man?"

Charles stiffened. "Oh. Nothing. You can forget I ever said that."

"Hey," she said, and they felt her bump her shoulder against theirs, "I've lived with you since I was _ten._ You can tell me anything. You're basically my brother."

"That's-" they cut themself off, shaking their head. _That's not what I want to be, though._ Raven was giving them an odd look.

"That's what?"

_No use hiding it now._ "I- well... this is hard to explain. You'll probably find it quite... disturbing, and seeing as I don't read your mind I have no way of telling how you might react..." they trailed off, noticing that her confusion was only growing. "Right. I- ah. I don't want to be... your... _brother._ "

Raven was still staring at them. "You don't? Wait, ew, you don't wanna _date_ me, right?"

"No!" they shouted, eyes going wide, "No, god, of course not! It's just- you _calling me_ your _brother_. It's... it makes me _very_ uncomfortable. I would appreciate if you didn't. Sibling would be alright, I suppose. Just not brother." There. They said enough. That didn't require any explanation, did it?

Apparently it did. "Are you my sister, then?" Raven asked, and Charles resisted the urge to let their head fall into their hands.

"N- no, I'm not your sister either. I'm just- I'm just a sibling. I'm just Charles."

"Right, okay," Raven seemed to be trying to process what they were saying in her mind, "So you're not a girl."

They shook their head firmly, and Raven nodded again. "And you're not a boy." Another shake of the head; Raven's lips were pursed now. "But you look like a boy."

Charles couldn't help but let out a dry laugh. "That's an awfully funny thing to hear coming from a shapeshifter."

Her cheeks flushed a darker shade of blue, and she looked away from them. "You know what I meant. You dress like a boy, and you sound like a boy, and you don't have tits or a vagina-"

"Not having breasts or a vagina doesn't equate to masculinity, Raven, you of all people should understand that," they shot back, and it came out a bit harsher than they had intended it to. "I'm just- this is why I didn't tell you sooner. I knew you wouldn't understand."

"Well you don't understand what it's like to be blue, so we're kind of in the same boat trying to sympathize," Raven shrugged, edging closer to where they were sitting. "You don't wanna look like a man, then?"

"No. But I don't want to look _entirely_ femenine either. It would really be ideal if I was completely androgynous, to be quite honest," they admitted. Raven laughed. "What's so funny?"

"Uh, no offense, but you're pretty androgynous to begin with," she said.

Charles looked down at their hands, picking at the skin around their nails. "But it would be _nice_ if I was _more_ androgynous. You've no idea how many times I've stolen your skirts to wear around the house while you're at work. It's so... _strange._ And _wrong._ That's why I've never told you, I was worried you would call me a sexual deviant like everyone calls people that talk like this. I'm not. Transgender people aren't predators."

"Are you transgender, Charles?" Raven asked slowly, one eyebrow raised. "I'm not gonna yell at you or anything. I just wanna... know."

"I'm not transgender, no. I don't think. I don't _feel_ like a woman, at least. But I don't feel like a man either. It's... it's strange, Raven. Being inside of other people's minds has given me _such_ a convoluted sense of gender, I'm not sure I want to be a man _or_ a woman at this point," their eyes had trailed back down to their lap again, avoiding eye contact with Raven altogether. _She's furious,_ they told themself, feeling tears of anxiety welling up in their eyes again, _she's never going to speak to me again. I shouldn't have said anything._

But then she was putting a gentle hand on their arm, and they looked up to meet her gaze. "Then you don't _have_ to be either."

A massive weight was pulled from Charles' shoulders.

"I- Raven..." they began, cringing when their voice cracked, "Thank you. Thank you so much, I- _god,_ thank you."

She was smiling wide, pulling them into a quick, tight hug that spread warmth through their entire body. "It's no problem, seriously. Not really any of _my_ business what you wanna think of yourself as, right? I mean I'm still a girl when I look like a ninety year old man, so who says you can't be a neither when you look like a boy?"

"Yes, um. That's terribly kind, but I would _greatly_ appreciate it if you _didn't_ tell me I looked like a boy. Sorry, I just-"

"No, don't apologize. I could've worded that better," Raven said with a swift nod. They were shocked how quickly she was accepting this. "And if you ever need my help... you know... looking more girly or less boy-y then _please_ for the love of god tell me, because I've got a whole bag full of makeup and shit that my girlfriends gave me for my birthday and I've _never_ used them."

Charles brought a hand up to wipe at their eyes, and gave Raven a smile.

"Plus I would _love_ to dress you up if you're ever feeling _really_ girly. I've got this blue sundress that you would look _awesome_ in," she continued, pulling them into another hug. "And if you don't want me to call you a 'he' anymore, I'm fine with that too." When they turned their head to try and look at her, Raven just laughed. "You're projecting your anxiety. I could tell something was still up. That was my best guess."

"You're... impressive, Raven. And..." they pulled out of the hug and averted their gaze once again, " _They_ would be nice if you don't mind."

She stared for a moment before nodding slowly. "They. Like call you a they instead of a he."

"Yes."

"I mean if that's what you want, it's fine with me," she said. Charles gave her another smile, this time a bit more confident. "And, uh... no offense, but I'm just glad we're sort of on the same level with the whole body hating thing."

Charles laughed dryly, nodding. "I suppose it is nice to have someone who understands what you're going through."

"Yeah."

Silence fell once again, and Raven curled back into Charles' side. It was almost like the previous ten minutes hadn't even happened. "So," Raven said quietly after quite some time, "They, huh?"

"They," Charles agreed, bringing a hand down to start petting her hair again. Raven nodded.

"I like it. It fits."


End file.
